The Same Deep Water As You
by Solo & Jo
chapter(s) | Story notes, disclaimers, warnings]
Tuesday 23 September
"I'm afraid the case has never been closed," Kato says,
and Jin feels his pulse speed up – they're really going to talk about
Kato has brought them to a quiet corner near the dining
tables, laughter and talk and clinking glasses dulled just a little
behind one of the tall plants which provides a feeble illusion of
privacy. His face is creased with a little frown, and he watches Jin
cautiously through his frameless glasses as if he expects him to be
disappointed. "There's never been an arrest, so if you were hoping…"
Jin shakes his head quickly. "No, I just…" He doesn't
want Kato to think he's looking for someone to blame. He's grateful the
man took his request seriously at all, even came to get him when Jin
was with… other people, they don't matter just now. "I didn't know
anything. I'd just like to know what happened, please."
Kato nods. "Your friend— Shibutani was found dead just
after midnight that day near the back entrance of Shinjuku-goenmae
station with multiple stab wounds to the chest and abdomen," he tells
Jin, calmly and smoothly as if he's reading stats off a card, but he
isn't, there's no card, there's just a blurred old pain and an image,
because Jin knows the place he means, they sometimes waited around
there for johns together and it wasn't a weird place for Subaru to be.
Kato's voice drops some more, sounds different. "But you
knew that part, I suppose."
He needs a moment, just a moment. Kato follows a waiter
with his eyes without attracting his attention then looks somewhere
"I didn't know he was stabbed." There are so many ways
to be reckless, so many ways of getting screwed over on the street, and
he'd wondered if there'd been other stuff besides the E, stuff that he
hadn't noticed. "I didn't even know that." It's a weird, aching sort of
relief, just to know.
"The police found no money on him. They assume he was
killed for his earnings."
Over ten thousand on a good day, Jin thinks, blurry and
dulled. Now he makes this much if he sits with a guy for an hour and
picks the right drinks.
"No signs of sexual assault, though there were…" Now
Kato looks a bit like he'd quite like there to be a card he can turn
to, and Jin lowers his eyes, doesn't want to make him uncomfortable.
"They tracked down the last two clients he had, based on witness
statements, and they were cleared." He meets Jin's eyes and maybe he
sees the doubt, or maybe he was doubtful himself. "Really cleared.
Witnesses saw them leave."
"I see," Jin says. It wouldn't make a difference either.
It's just facts, finally.
"The coroner found traces of MDMA in his blood," Kato
goes on, "though he must have taken it a few hours before his death.
His blood alcohol level was point zero six."
"That's… that's not too bad, right?"
Kato looks at him for a moment, and seems to shift
gears. "He was a little drunk, but not out of it," he says. "Especially
for someone who's used to a certain alcohol intake, it wasn't too bad,
"Okay," Jin says. "Okay, that's…" Not good, really, not
bad, not anything anymore but it still matters, Subaru was not just
"The report mentioned a roommate," Kato says, a calm
question at the end, if Jin wants to answer it.
Jin thinks that's fair, of course the man would wonder,
and it's not meant as a threat. "Yes, that was me." And he'd left the
apartment behind with less than he'd had moving into it. "I got home
and I saw the cops and I didn't know… I just took off."
Kato simply nods. "You weren't a suspect," he tells Jin,
matter-of-fact. "Or not anymore, after the first few days. They wanted
to ask you a few questions. But I understand." He doesn't mention
drugs, and maybe there weren't any that day, maybe Subaru had run out,
but it wasn't a risk Jin could take.
And he'd tried, found out enough to know that Subaru was
dead, not arrested or… or just gone like… Naoki had at least left a
note. But there hadn't been many people he could talk to with cops
showing up randomly at their hangouts and at the youth center…
"I don't think I know anything that might help," he
says, "but if you think the police would still like to talk to me…"
Kato looks a little uncomfortable. "I'm afraid the case
is no longer being treated as a priority," he says, which probably
means that he had to dig the file out of some dusty archive where they
keep all the dead hustlers and other nobodies. "If there's no vital new
Jin shakes his head, and Kato gives a regretful little
"Thank you," Jin says quickly, before the man can decide
to feel guilty or anything. "Thank you, that's… I'm glad I finally know
what happened. I really appreciate it." He bows low, and again when
Kato says that he was glad he could help and Jin insists that it was
very generous of him.
"If there's ever—" He wants to say… but what can someone
like him offer that would be appropriate, and so he just bows again,
and finally Kato tells him it's quite all right, and Jin lets the man
get back to his table.
Jin stares at something on the floor in front of him,
something that isn't there. He's glad he knows. He is; and he hopes it
was at least quick. Subaru was a good guy, and Jin's not sure he'd have
survived that winter if Subaru hadn't taken him in. And now he's here,
But he has to stop thinking about Subaru, it'll have to
wait. Because now he's got to handle Kamenashi again. Maybe he should
just crawl into Yamatani's lap Yuuya-style so he'll finally make a move
and get Jin out of there and to a room, but that's not how they work
and he doesn't want to embarrass Yamatani, either.
Right. At least he's not going to have another drop of
alcohol, and if Kamenashi wants to flip his lid, he's welcome.
He turns towards their table and—
—meets Kamenashi's eyes, and he's not even surprised but
his heart skips anyway.
Kamenashi smiles winsomely.
Jin starts walking.
Nishikido and Yuu-chan are absorbed in their own little
world, gazing at each other over the cocktails they're toasting with,
and Yamatani is watching them with a pleased little smile, doesn't
notice Jin either.
Jin decides to nudge him when he's back, some discreet
body language to get them to a room and away from here. Yamatani would
give him space, would give him five minutes if he asked just to… think,
away from the chatter and the clients and the glitz, and maybe he'd ask
Jin what's up and maybe, maybe Jin would even tell him, just a bit
about the time when he'd been grateful just to know that there was
somebody who cared if he even made it home alive. Until one day that
He could do with some talking, just talking, just a tiny
When he gets close, Kamenashi gets up, his smile
expansive and welcoming, and he steps into the gap between couch and
table that Jin would need to pass to get to his old seat, and says,
"Glad you haven't abandoned us, Jin, why don't you sit down?"
His hands are surprisingly strong, and unless Jin wants
to make a scene he has no choice but to sit down on the other end of
Kamenashi's two-seater, far from Yamatani.
Nishikido welcomes him back, and Yuuya gives him a quick
grin, his fingers entwined with the baker's between them both. That's a
done deal if Jin's ever seen one, and he's glad for Yuu-chan,
Nishikido's a nice guy and Yuu-chan could do much, much—
"I'm sorry," Kamenashi says, a light shift in the
upholstery when he sits down next to Jin, "where were we?"
So much worse.
He should have just left. He blew some bland suit before
Kamenashi dragged him off and two relaxations is okay, is good
for a Tuesday and the only reason he's here is because
he didn't want to let Yamatani down but Yamatani…
"You were telling us about shooting in two different
languages," Nishikido is saying, sounding eager, and then he adds
brightly, "Oh, let me this time!"
Jin doesn't even get it at first, but when he sneaks a
glance beside him he figures Kamenashi must have been fondling his
empty glass, and then Nishikido is looking at him, nice guy that he is,
and asks, "Can I get you something, too, Jin?"
He won't turn that down. But he doesn't want any more
booze, he can still feel those fast drinks oh so considerately supplied
by Kamenashi and he needs his wits about him if he's still got to deal
with… that. "Thank you very much, Nishikido-san. I'd like some orange
"You could try one of mine!" Yuuya says immediately,
twirling his empty cocktail glass around and nodding encouragingly. He
plucks the last pink cherry off the rim before he hands the glass over
to the waiter and slips it into his mouth.
Nishikido tears his eyes away and turns his smile on
Jin. "Yes, sure! Try it if you want to."
They do look interesting. Maybe it'll distract him for a
bit, not like he can't use it. "Thank you very much," he says again.
"I'll have one of those green things, then. With the sugar."
Then he freezes, with Kamenashi's hand on his shoulder.
"Is everything all right, Jin?" And he has to turn, has to look at the
guy, he's not going to embarrass anyone. "I hope nothing bad happened."
And the soft, concerned tone is just creepy, that
mannered nod towards where he and Kato-sensei were talking and he's not
going to be scared of that look in Kamenashi's eyes, he's not, not in
the middle of the damn lounge.
"I'm fine, thank you," he says, and manages not to shake
off that touch. "I didn't mean to interrupt. You were telling a story
"I was," Kamenashi says, sharp focus and unreadable
meaning fixing Jin a moment longer, but then he goes back to his story
and Jin takes a breath.
Apparently Kamenashi did some film in France, and loved
it very much, and was worried about foreign language dialog, and didn't
love that so much, and Jin doesn't care at all but Kamenashi talking is
Kamenashi distracted, and the hand never disappears and doesn't move
either, and maybe someone should encourage him to learn French and move
there, that would be a help.
Their new round arrives; it's taken a bit longer with
the cocktail, and when they all thank Nishikido and Kamenashi's fingers
start to wander on his back, Jin catches Yamatani's eyes over his new
glass of wine, his kind smile, and he's never been so focussed on the
way Yamatani looks at him when he lowers his eyes along Jin's body. He
catches himself calculating how much Yamatani has had and if there's
even a chance; normally they'd be out of here already and he wouldn't
have to sit here with some freak hovering next to him, inching closer
moment by moment.
He leans forward, concentrates on the straw sticking out
of the tall glass. One thing's for sure, he's not
going to be doing anything interesting with the slices of fruit
The green stuff tastes… not really green. But
interesting. Sort of creamy, and sharp at the same time. Jin wishes
there was a miracle potion to clear his head.
And they're back on the film again, and Nishikido seems
to be a fan of that French actress Kamenashi worked with, or maybe just
that particular film, confessing that he really enjoyed their on-screen
chemistry, and Jin can only pity the poor lady.
"She's wonderful," Kamenashi is saying, the heel of his
hand pressing briefly against Jin's shoulder blade, but even when he
holds his breath and waits he can't figure out what that meant. He
finds Yamatani's eyes again, and it's some comfort to see him watching
still even though he shows no sign of begrudging Kamenashi having his
hands all over Jin, but that would be because he's sane.
Jin takes another sip of his drink and keeps the straw between his
lips, tries to… god, it's not his thing, how does that even work? Maybe
he should take lessons from Yuuya.
"We had so much fun together," Kamenashi is saying, and
it's no wonder he stars in all those uplifting films that tell you to
try harder for the poor whatevers because he can sell the sincerity, no
doubt. "It was the most relaxed set I've ever worked on."
"She came to Japan then, too, for that half of the
film?" Nishikido asks, and Jin starts when the hand disappears but
Kamenashi, leaning forward a little, just needs it to gesture denial at
"Yes, she did, but the best parts were…" He's smiling.
It looks reluctant and slow, almost real. "It was much better when we
were there." He looks down at his wine glass, and then back up at
Nishikido with an expression Jin can't read.
"Why was that?" Yuuya asks curiously, and Jin can see
Nishikido is just dying to know, too. Not Jin's idea of a clever move,
prodding Kamenashi, but apparently Kamenashi's crazy is selective.
"Oh, it was just…" Kamenashi waves it off. "Everyone got
on so well." And then there's a smile again, a small one, and Jin
guesses there's a reason Kamenashi makes a fortune acting
and why people like… well, fair enough, Kamenashi doesn't tie them
down or treat them like more or less useful body parts…
though maybe he should warn Yuu-chan.
"…this one day," Kamenashi is saying, "when the catering
service just didn't appear but one of the camera crew had this cousin
who runs a bakery and they just sent us some fresh bread and cheese,
and Zoe smuggled in some wine in a coffee flask, and we had to made
sure to hide it from the director…"
"You were sneaking around with alcohol!" Yuuya says,
"In lidded paper cups," Kamenashi nods. "That was an
excellent meal. So simple but…" His eyes flash up, which would normally
make Jin worry but for once it's not directed at him. "Nishikido-san!"
Nishikido is already grinning. "We're thinking about it!"
"You'll have to warn people it's not sweet," Kamenashi
says. "You should have seen my face when I had my first bite." They all
laugh and Jin guesses he's re-enacting it but he's stopped looking, he
has more important things on his mind and maybe if he can just get
Yamatani's attention while Kamenashi is busy charming people, he'll
finish the night in a room with someone who doesn't need to insult
people to get off.
Just as he's getting ready to catch the man's eye,
though, Yamatani says, "I had a French friend whom I visited
occasionally. We met at a Word Trade Fair for, well, laundry equipment,
back in the seventies in England, and spent the main conference dinner
complaining about the food." He shakes his head in awed reminiscence.
"It was really quite, quite terrible. But I felt he had no grounds for
complaint because after all, these people eat snails, to which he
retorted that I couldn't talk because after all, my people eat raw
"What's their problem with raw fish?" Jin asks, mostly
to remind Yamatani he's there. But Danny seems to find sashimi normal.
Yamatani gives him a fatherly smile. "Back then,
Westerners were very conservative in their eating habits. So I
proceeded to shock him with accounts of prawn feet and eel spine
tempura. He wouldn't believe me that people would eat such things or,
if they did, admit to it."
"But he ate snails?" Yuuya says, with a face that
mirrors Jin's sentiments exactly.
"They aren't so bad," Yamatani says. "Kamenashi-san, did
you try them when you had an opportunity?"
"I had one," Kamenashi says politely. "I didn't like the
texture. But I tried frog legs, too. They were okay."
"Like chicken wings, but less rewarding," Nishikido adds.
"What happens to the rest of the frog?" asks Yuuya. "Is
there frog breast? Frog steaks?"
Nishikido laughs and ruffles his hair, and when he
trails his hand down Yuuya's back Yuuya wriggles down into a happy
"It is an unsolved mystery," Yamatani says, and winks at
Winking is good. Jin smiles, puts some suggestion into
it, a hint of hope. It's going on ten, and Yamatani doesn't often stay
beyond eleven. Jin's good to go, if only—
Kamenashi's hand settles heavily on his thigh, and when
he looks, Kamenashi has dropped the blatant good humour, is regarding
him intently. "Wouldn't you say so, Jin."
Jin's not even going to try to fake his way out of
there. "I'm sorry, I missed that."
There's a stillness in Kamenashi's gaze which he doesn't
like at all, but in the end the man only says, "If you are getting
tired, I shall be happy to buy you some espresso. After all," and here
he lets his gaze travel across to where Nishikido and Yuuya are
entwined, and his fingers move just a little up the inside of Jin's
leg, "the night is only beginning."
That sounds bad, feels bad, in so many ways, and why
isn't Yamatani making a move already? Does he really want to talk about
snails and frog steak all night? And what the hell does Kamenashi even
want, he's had his moment of feeling all superior,
he got his rocks off, he doesn't even want Jin…
unless that was an act, with Ootomo, just like that happy clappy France
act earlier, and the way he acts with Tatsuya, maybe this guy is
nothing but acts and they're all different and
Jin's the unlucky bastard who got stuck with the full-on psycho number.
And Nishikido is standing and he's holding Yuu-chan's
hand, pulling him up and towards him with a smile. "…don't you think,"
he is saying, and Yuuya nods eagerly. "And at midnight you can have a
sip of champagne from my glass, and we won't tell anybody."
Yuuya looks like this is the most dangerous and exciting
venture ever and slinks closer to Nishikido.
Good, Jin thinks, good for him, Nishikido will treat him
right, and then he thinks shit, because that leaves
him with… and… he doesn't know how to handle this, with Yamatani being
"We'll keep your secret," Kamenashi says, pulling Jin's
thigh closer towards him and damn.
They nod happily, and while Nishikido excuses himself
with a slightly embarrassed grin, Yuuya gives a little wave and throws
Jin an encouraging look as he turns away.
And then there's just the three of them, and Jin seeks
Yamatani's gaze, tries to ignore Kamenashi and the way the guy's
fingers are crawling up his inseam, this can't just… happen.
Nishikido and Yuuya are approaching the screens in front
of the elevators, happily hand in hand, Yuu-chan looking up to
Nishikido and saying something or other and Nishikido looking down and
"That appealed to you, did it," Kamenashi's voice cuts
into his thoughts, and he can tell by the edge that the man knows what
he was thinking, knows that he'd rather be in Yuuya's shoes than stuck
here on a couch being groped by this… by a… by Kamenashi.
He shoots Yamatani a look, tries to look inviting, tries
to look a little hurt that they aren't naked in a room already, but
maybe he should go to the Kamenashi school of acting because he doesn't
seem to be getting the point across.
"That's no problem," Kamenashi says, while his voice
says 'whore, you have a problem here'. "We can make your midnight sip
anything you like."
Yamatani. There's got to be a way to get him to say
something, to point out, politely, ever so politely, that he's got dibs
on Jin, Tuesdays are… well, it's never official because Yamatani is
around so much, it doesn't really matter to him if they shift it by a
day either way, and normally Jin likes that about him but right now…
can't he be a bit more desperate?
Yamatani smiles. It's a 'good for you' smile, a 'pleased
for Jin' smile, a smile that makes Jin give up hope before Yamatani
even opens his mouth.
"You young men have fun," he says, and Jin knows what it
is, it's that Kamenashi looks like a client Jin
might prefer, and he's just made it clear that he's offering a comfort,
and Yamatani is old and wrinkly and has bad knees and all he's offering
tonight is a relaxation, and he has no idea that Jin would gladly take
that, he likes Yamatani and he'd take somebody he doesn't
like over Kamenashi, but… "We can make it tomorrow, maybe?" Yamatani
says to Jin, and Jin nods mutely. Produces a smile. Finds his voice.
"That would be good," he says over the screaming in his
head. And Yamatani is smiling back at him so he dredges up some other
words from somewhere. "I'm looking forward to it."
Three hours. Three more hours of Kamenashi.
But at least it's the club this time, people don't just
know where he is, they're all around, and he knows this place, knows it
Kamenashi plays polite as he thanks Yamatani for his
indulgence, but when he turns to Jin, his look is openly satisfied.
"Whenever you're ready."
Kamenashi's wine glass is still almost full. Jin drains
the rest of his cocktail, sets the glass back on the table and says,
It earns him a sharp glance and for once he wants to
smile into it, but he's not as stupid as that. Just
watches Kamenashi push his own glass aside, and rise. "Let's go."
Kamenashi says nothing when he unlocks the door.
Standard room again, they're all pretty much the same, except this one
is on the inside of the floor and has skylights to make up for the four
He waves Jin through then closes the door behind them,
and Jin stops after a few steps, silent on the thick carpet, and
doesn't look up at the stars, remembers not to feel trapped.
Kamenashi indicates he's welcome to use the toilet.
Jin's quick about it, doesn't need to stall. He's in the club, he knows
exactly where the panic button is, and if Kamenashi wants to insult him
some more, fine, he'll think of the job and the pay and being out of
here in a few hours. It's just fucking. Drying off his hands, he thinks
that between the two of them they don't even have enough ties for
sudden bondage urges.
Kamenashi goes in after him, and Jin takes his jacket
off and hangs it on the stand beside the couch.
When Kamenashi comes back out, he goes over to the
minibar and turns over one of the heavy glasses. "I'd offer you a
drink," he says, "but I wouldn't want to get you worried."
The narrow look he gives Jin when he leans against the polished wood,
glass still in hand, says he doesn't mind Jin worried at all.
Jin ignores the tone, ignores the baiting. "Some water
will be fine, thank you," he says, and waits.
Kamenashi puts the glass back down and doesn't get him
anything. Stands and regards Jin, and Jin knows that look, the one
where they undress you with their eyes, waiting for you to catch up.
Good; if he's going to be as fast about this as he was about the blow
job, Jin can live with that. Not like slow will get you to nice, with
He reaches for his tie but he's barely loosened the knot
when Kamenashi's voice stops him, harsh and cutting. "Would have liked
to go with that old man," Kamenashi says. "Wouldn't you."
Jin lets his hands drop. He'll probably want to be
dressed for this. He doesn't say yes, but he won't deny it, either.
"Wonder what he's got to do to get
you to play nice," Kamenashi says. "Or maybe he doesn't, maybe you get
to do whatever you want. Is that what you like, is that why you were so
Oh, to hell with him. He knows it looked desperate, was
desperate, but with anybody normal it would never
have happened like that and he's not embarrassed, only sorry that he
can't tell Kamenashi everything he'd rather do for a guy like Yamatani
before he'd choose to spend ten minutes in a room with an asshole like him.
"Or do you just like them old?"
"I like them s—" Jin stops himself, rule sixteen of
Johnny's, don't question your client's sanity. But Kamenashi is looking
at him encouragingly, all insistent curiosity and somehow he can't
leave that dangling when it's Yamatani, when Kamenashi thinks he's better,
as if anyone would prefer…
"Civil," he finishes, for lack of a better alternative.
"Really," Kamenashi says slowly, without moving. "Is
that what you call it." Lets that hang in the air as if Jin's going to
elabourate, stares at him in the dim light of the single lamp, half his
face in shadow. "Well. I noticed he didn't seem too eager to make a
"Yeah, he knows what's polite." And it feels good to see
it hit home in Kamenashi's eyes, and like very very bad news, but he'd
care more if… no, Kamenashi can't take that to Ootomo, he was just
saying… let Kamenashi try to turn that against him, just let him try.
"I'm surprised you're so fond," Kamenashi says at last.
"Guy like that must be a lot of work for you, even if he's… civil." He
takes a predictable step forward and of course, it'll be orders and
sucking and fucking next, and whatever.
"I don't comment on valued clients," Jin replies, and
thinks for a hysterical moment that Ootomo would be so proud.
"And the baker, is he civil? Seems to find your mumbling
and fumbling charming at any rate," Kamenashi muses but it's not so
idle now, not so satisfied, and then he's close enough to touch and Jin
focuses on things that help, that help with any client, that Kamenashi
smells clean and showers and gets hard fast, doesn't taste weird. "And
the prosecutor! What a busy night for you indeed."
Something in Jin freezes because that… "That was
different," he says even though it's none of Kamenashi's business but
this is wrong, this is a guy who did Jin a huge favour and he can at
least set the record straight even if he'd bite off his tongue before
telling Kamenashi what that meant to him. "We were
Kamenashi's eyebrows shoot up. "Talking?" He looks very
intrigued now, his flat palm warm through Jin's shirt. "Japan's chief
prosecutor, degrees from top universities, what would you and an elite
like that talk about?" Fucking asshole. "Didn't think you'd appeal to
the brainy ones."
"Right," Jin says tightly because he can't pass that up,
he can't, not when Kamenashi makes it so easy… "Is
that why I'm here with you?"
And Jin's shoulders hit the wall, Kamenashi's hand in
his hair, Kamenashi's whole body trapping him, and then Kamenashi's
mouth is by his ear, hissing, "But you're not here for conversation."
And Kamenashi's hand is fast on his belt, on his fly, down his pants,
and he jerks away but the hand in his hair pulls tight and there's a
mouth on his, a hard kiss forcing his lips open and Kamenashi's other
hand wrapping around his cock, pressure and pull and what the fuck
and a tongue pushing inside his mouth, and Kamenashi's hand moving,
firm, warm and it's fast, fuck it's fast and fuck
"See," Kamenashi breathes, right against his face, and
Jin wants to sink away from him, wants not to be hard, wants to stop
feeling— "I don't need to get you drunk." And
kisses him again, messy and mean and the stroking keeps… god, and then
Kamenashi bends Jin's head back against the wall and swipes his tongue
up his neck and his hand on Jin moves, and moves, and there's a flick
and again and Jin shudders and closes his eyes and holds his breath.
"Still rather go with the old guy?" Kamenashi whispers
against his ear, and fuck yes because he wouldn't
be like this with his head spinning, with Kamenashi's breath hot and
cold on his wet skin and Kamenashi moving on him and pressing into him,
all along his body now and Kamenashi's hips give him a slow little
nudge and another one, and it doesn't help, it doesn't help.
"Or Nishikido, or Kato, or any of those guys you seem to like so much…"
Jin bites his lip, stifles a gasp when that mouth is on
his throat, and when it moves he can't, it just slips out, a shameful
little noise when the suction turns to teeth and Kamenashi breathes
against him fierce and the hand on his cock does… something, warm dry
faster and tighter and faster and he's not… he doesn't… he can't… and
he knows and… "You sure seemed popular tonight." A
sharp scrape of teeth against his jaw and he jerks, gasps into a rough
tug, and he's lost, he's coming with a choking sound, coming and
panting, and sweating, and the hand on him won't stop and he
can't stop and—
He's not going to be embarrassed. He's not. And maybe he
doesn't quite have his breath back but Kamenashi is right there in his
face, smug and pleased and Jin stops straining against the hand in his
hair, eases his head back, because he's not the one who's crazy and
pathetic and— "Jealous?" he breathes.
For a moment Kamenashi seems even closer. Then he pulls
out his hand, slippery with Jin's come, and wipes it carefully on Jin's
shirt. He holds Jin's eyes and traces along Jin's collar with his
fingertips, a ghosting touch, too light and too much on Jin's skin.
"Just not popular enough for any of them to pay to fuck you tonight."
He gives his own hand a fleeting glance, smiles a sharp little smile at
Jin. "And I'm so glad we've established how civil
you like it."
He steps in close again, close enough for their legs to
touch and Jin feels the wall unyielding at his back and he wants to
shut it all down but he can't, he's still responding, still shivery.
"Now start with your shirt," Kamenashi says calmly, and
his hand never lets go of Jin's hair. "It's not fair if you have all
the fun, is it?"
Fine. Undressing. That's easy. Really easy. He brings up
his hands, keeps them close because Kamenashi is close, close and warm
and turned on and he doesn't need to feel Jin's hands trembling but
getting off a tie, that's easy. Really easy.
Kamenashi's forearm is tense against the side of Jin's
face and he's watching like he's waiting for something, for Jin to
struggle probably cause there's nothing like some cheap domination to
make an asshole's night complete, so Jin relaxes his neck and meets
Kamenashi's eyes, drops the silk to the side. See? Really easy, and his
heart rate is slowing down, too.
Kamenashi nods slowly. Buttons now.
He manages the first one; when his hand drops down to
the next, Kamenashi reaches out, puts two fingers on the base of his
throat and just— hovers, strokes a bit, ominous and unnerving, but Jin
doesn't swallow and he doesn't drop his gaze and he manages the second
button and moves on. His skin prickles under Kamenashi's fingertips as
they follow him down, prod him when he gets caught, and he starts to
hurry, away from that hand and that's stupid. Makes everything just
harder, those small buttons and his sweaty fingers and Kamenashi
looming like this. Would help if he could look at what he's doing.
Would help if he could move his head.
Seems fascinated by the whole clumsy mess, his cock hard
against Jin's hip and an elbow heavy on his shoulder, and when Jin is
finally done with the last button he runs his palm flat down Jin's
stomach and Jin sucks in a breath because it tickles, or would tickle
if he hadn't just come, right now it's too intense.
Kamenashi lifts his head, flicks his hand against the
sides of Jin's shirt and Jin wants to point out that if Kamenashi's in
a hurry to get to the fucking there are more efficient ways to get Jin
out of his clothes than this. But whatever, he won't argue with
Kamenashi's logic and Kamenashi's logic seems to require him being held
immobile by his hair and pressed against a fucking wall forever and
what is that guy's fascination with his face anyway.
Because Kamenashi is staring again; giving Jin room a
bit to pry his shoulderblades from plaster and paint and get out of the
shirt before he leans back in, slow and deliberate and with a little
thrust to keep himself entertained but with his eyes on Jin and like he
doesn't even care that Jin is doing a good job of
staring back disinterestedly, and maybe he should stop wondering what's
going on in the guy's mind because the answer can't be good.
Kamenashi's eyes drop to his mouth, and Jin's braced for
a kiss but instead he gets a sharp tug at his hair, and then
Kamenashi's mouth— on his neck, hot and open and Jin keeps the gasp in
now and if he closes his eyes, well, Kamenashi won't see, Kamenashi's busy.
Busy and moving, and Jin holds his breath when Kamenashi's tongue
flicks over his collarbone on the way to a nipple, latches on, hint of
teeth and he hates this when he's just come but he won't give the
bastard any satisfaction, won't even twitch.And now the hands move – at
least those can't bite; over his shoulders and arms, back around his
shoulderblades and fingertips tracing his spine. Down. Struggling a bit
because, hello, there's a fucking wall there, but
just as he thinks what fun it'll be to see how Kamenashi reconciles his
squashing and fondling needs, he's pulled forward, and Kamenashi's
hands are fast and certain and at his waistband and fingertips are
sliding inside, pushing down, and then Kamenashi moves flush against
him as the underwear goes and the hands stay, the buckle of Kamenashi's
belt cold against his skin, and the touch on his ass holds him still
for a slow, thoughtful grind and Kamenashi breathes against his mouth,
warm and brazen, and smiles.
The wall's almost better.
Kamenashi's eyes drop to his mouth and Jin holds his
breath again, thinks how weird this is from a guy who barely considers
him worthy to suck his cock but— the kiss doesn't come, just another
slow thrust, and Kamenashi makes some awkward motion with an elbow,
raises his chin in a random little nod.
"Come on, take them off," he says, "you're not going to
Oh, sure. With Kamenashi clutching
him and humping him, he's supposed to get off the fucking pants, of course.
Kamenashi watches him squirm and struggle and he's got to be feeling
every wriggle and the way he keeps up his private little grinding
session isn't fucking helping any, and when Jin's finally got his pants
down his thighs he straightens and stares right back into Kamenashi's
heavy eyes because it's not like he can reach any further here unless
Kamenashi lets him the fuck go.
Kamenashi lets his hands wander, down Jin's ass and on
his legs, around, up again while he studies Jin, looking untroubled and
satisfied except for the hard-on that's pushing against Jin's thigh,
and then the hands settle on Jin's shoulders. Press down, and Jin gets
He's not required to stand anymore anyway.
It's okay once he's got the pants down far enough, just
more awkward with Kamenashi not bothering to give him space and his
damn knees right… okay, fine, he's cramped but fine even if his face is
right in Kamenashi's crotch, and hey, they've almost got a routine from
here. Jin keeps his hands to himself when Kamenashi presents his cock
and he just takes a breath, it's hot in this small space, when
Kamenashi grabs his hair again and pulls his head back to… okay, like
that. Sure. Walls tonight, all the way.
Then Kamenashi takes a step to follow, his shoe right
there between Jin's legs and… best not to think about that, best just
to open his mouth and let Kamenashi shove his cock in and suck.
He hopes this is just foreplay. Kamenashi mumbles some
encouragement, pushes in deep once but there's no follow-through, and
it's jerky, this could take a while this time round and it's not
exactly comfortable already, with his head pinned to the wall and the
heat and Kamenashi's entire body crowding him, and the random rough
thrusts that aren't even rhythmic.
And Kamenashi's in no hurry with what he's doing, just
keeps his grip tight while he rolls his hips, experiments,
changes angle, depth, all up to him now but it figures, Jin's just a
pretty mouth to fuck, not required to contribute, to adjust, to…
breathe, he focuses on breathing when it's easiest, when Kamenashi
pulls back far before going deep, and he tunes out the sweat and the
heat and the sound of Kamenashi exhaling when he finds something he
likes, and at least the guy is keeping his commentary to himself this
Just keeps going, a persistent pace now, and Jin holds
still. If he doesn't try to move he won't feel how much he can't. He
ignores the knee moving right in front of his stomach, the foot between
his legs. Holds really still when Kamenashi brings up his other hand to
join the party, settling it damp and insisting on Jin's face even
though he hasn't anywhere left to go, and the air around him just gets
But then Kamenashi tilts him just so, and… maybe he's
got himself sorted out at last because… okay, yes, the rhythm picks up
now, and maybe it's the extra kick he gets out of tracing Jin's lips
around his cock going in and out and it gets fast, hard and fast and
full in his mouth, and Jin's head bumps into the wall before the grip
on his hair tightens, adjusts for the rougher pace, and he hopes
they're getting somewhere soon, he wants that hand out of his face and
he wants to breathe.
But it goes on, and he tries to ignore as much as he
can, focuses on keeping his mouth open, just taking it, not pushing the
asshole away, and then it stops. Kamenashi's cock pulls out with a wet
sound, and the heavy hand lifts and there's air and
he blinks, breathes, and Kamenashi's standing there with his cock
pointed straight at Jin's face and what the fuck.
He twists his head away and fuck that hurts, and when he stills
Kamenashi lets go of his hair, finally, like it's an afterthought, and
he's frowning down at Jin like Jin's some weirdo he can't puzzle out,
now there's a joke.
But…fine, that was stupid. Jin knew
the guy wasn't even close, and it's not surprising he wants a change
now, he's had a blow job already and he didn't pay for a comfort just
so he could get Jin off.
He tries not to look relieved, about those hands gone at
last or anything else, just waits and looks up into the darkened eyes
which are unreadable now, and it's like an eternity before Kamenashi
lifts one shoulder, half shrug and half instruction, and says, "I think
I prefer to fuck you this time."
And steps back, and Jin gets up shakily and bends to
untie his shoes and stops looking at Kamenashi, taking a daring chance
that Kamenashi has no secret kink about seeing whores wobble around
with their pants around their ankles.
He straightens when he's done, and Kamenashi nods
towards the bed. Yeah, he could have guessed that. He gets over there,
ignores Kamenashi behind him and the staring he can feel, sits down and
shifts back, legs stretched out in front of him, and waits. Kamenashi
has followed him to the side of the bed but doesn't say anything, and
Jin's not going to assume anything either, will just stay put. Another
one of those long intrusive glances and then Kamenashi drops his fancy
pants where he's standing, unbuttons his shirt, loses the underpants.
Guy likes to fuck naked. Maybe Kamenashi should look into that, it's so
Kamenashi's eyes creep all along his body, and Jin sits
still on the big bed and reminds himself he's used to being here, it's
not that different just because Kamenashi's an asshole. The panic
button is right over there.
When Kamenashi moves he doesn't get on the bed, he goes
for the nightstand, snatches out a condom and he's already torn it open
before Jin can look away.
He tears open another pack. Gets himself slick too,
So, fast. Fast works for Jin. He just wants to get out
Then the bed dips under Kamenashi's weight and… Jin's
confused, a hand on his shoulder and Kamenashi's right there, wrong for
everything, before Kamenashi pushes him, prods him until he's lying on
Kamenashi settles behind him, close.
Weird and intimate when he can't see the guy but he'll
deal, and then Kamenashi shifts, warm here and slick and cool there and
fingers spreading him and Jin knows how to breathe, and open up. He
feels Kamenashi's breath on the back of his neck as he slips inside,
one long exhalation. He's hard enough. All that wall action. A lazy
grind, Kamenashi's arm wrapping around him.
Not fast. Not what Jin had hoped for.
Kamenashi's hand trails over him, curious like before
when Jin couldn't see, couldn't move, and Jin still doesn't move except
to go with the nudges, a sloppy rhythm, Kamenashi tracing his muscles,
keeping him close.
There's deep pleased breaths, not the least bit
self-conscious, like he doesn't care what Jin hears. His hand is random
on Jin's chest, his stomach, for a moment it tickles but then Kamenashi
moves again inside him.
It's distracting and he hates it. Hates the hands and
the warmth at his back, the damp air at his neck, and that it won't go
faster, it won't go… anywhere. Kamenashi's not even trying, just
fucking leisurely like he's got all the time in the world and Jin can
just wait it out.
If he thinks of Jin at all.
Kamenashi's fingers have found his dick, play with it,
surprisingly gentle. They probe and tug like Kamenashi's never touched
a dick before and it goes on and on, casual like he owns Jin.
"You're not too bad like this either," Kamenashi
whispers thickly against Jin's neck. "I should take my time more. Least
you're good value like that."
Just the vote of confidence he was looking for.
Kamenashi's hand slides into Jin's hair, pulls his head back and Jin
twitches; it's as far as he gets in terms of running away when he knows
he can't, and Kamenashi gasps, and the next push comes harder. He's
liking it. More weight behind it that tips Jin forward, Kamenashi
moving him a little bit that way so he can like it more.
It's one thing Jin just doesn't get. He doesn't like
touching people he hates. But Kamenashi's happy, his hand spreading out
over Jin's back, feeling all the tension, some real thrusts now when
Jin stretches a certain way.
Those fingers curl around his hips with instructions,
and Kamenashi goes deeper with a gasp, as if Jin's hips yielding to his
rhythm is the hottest thing ever. Jin just wants to squirm away;
Kamenashi's been too close too long already and it sucks and his skin
no longer knows where he feels Kamenashi most. But even Kamenashi can't
Jin keeps his eyes shut and his face down, it's hot
against the sheet but he can't turn his head, wishes Kamenashi would
push him flat already. Wishes he could do shopping lists in his head or
remember English words and didn't get sidetracked by what's happening
to his body.
Other guys grope him too, and he hates it and he doesn't
know why this is worse unless it's that Kamenashi makes everything
On and on it goes. Above him Kamenashi shifts without
comment, moves him a little too, whenever he wants a new angle. Nudges
his knees wider apart, wraps around him and goes deep. Deep but no
chase, no urgency, maybe he wants to prove Jin wrong about forever.
Maybe he's just really having fun.
He says nothing. It's like Jin's not even there, except
for getting fucked.
On and on. And more shifting, and some air between their
sticky skin, and Kamenashi is kneeling, a deeper slant, sharper
thrusts. Finally. A few of those and the push comes, Jin's flat down at
last and Kamenashi pulls his hips towards him.
Wants… nothing much still. This and that, go in like this
and like so, it feels like a test drive and it
makes him crazy. Playing around, the fucking
version. He hates that he can't tune it out, usually when it's just his
ass and some guy he can manage not to care.
"Higher," Kamenashi says when it's not enough, and has
Jin scramble back on his knees; Kamenashi tilts his hips up more with
firm hands, holds him open for shallow dips over and over, and Jin can
feel him watching it.
When he finally slams down it's a relief; Kamenashi
spreads him wider and there's the rhythm, thrusts going deep, easy at
Kamenashi's hand is back in his hair, tight,
controlling, pushing him down in the mattress but Jin doesn't mind,
it's raw and rough but they will be done, and he
manages to turn his head so he can breathe at least and just hangs on,
lets Kamenashi use whatever force he likes to take what he bought, and
now it will stop, it will stop.
Finally Kamenashi gasps loud, fingers digging into Jin's
hip as he jerks against him, getting his money's worth on the last few
slams and the weight on Jin's back gets even harder and then he stills,
then it's over.
He sinks forward when Kamenashi lets go of his hair, the
hand coming down on the back of his neck, stroking over his shoulder,
sweaty and casual all the way down to his ass and who cares, let him
get his last few gropes in before he… right, here they go.
He gives Kamenashi time to get off the bed before he
stretches out his legs and turns around. Kamenashi is halfway to the
bathroom and Jin sits up, rolls his neck a little, carefully. A long
hot shower will take care of that. A long hot shower he'd like sooner
rather than later, and here's hoping Kamenashi doesn't change his
pattern and won't make Jin hang around for the full three hours. But
since the guy's been clear about having no use for Jin outside of
fucking, Jin might just get lucky.
He's not going to contemplate the fact that the first
time Kamenashi saw him after it was supposed to be all over, he ended
up hiring Jin twice in one night. Not here.
His skin is still prickling from the air, the absence of
touch. He gives the scattered mess of his clothes over by the wall a
quick glance as he scoots forward, pushing his legs off the bed, but no
point tempting fate. There are no sounds, the bathrooms are designed
that way, but he doesn't have to wait long.
Kamenashi comes out still naked, still shimmering with
sweat and still an asshole because the look he
gives Jin, like he's almost surprised to find him there, turns into
that exasperated sneer again and guess what, Jin didn't ask for
this fucking assignment, didn't ask for Kamenashi to buy him drinks and
jerk him around and pin him against a fucking wall
for a blow job, with his fucking hands everywhere.
He gets up, doesn't ask for permission this time, and
walks past Kamenashi's wary scowl because he needs to piss and he's
allowed and he's going to wash the guy's hands off his face.
So he does, and it clears his head, and when he comes
back out Kamenashi is by the bar, has wrapped himself up in a bathrobe
and is holding a glass of whisky, one arm crossed over his chest, and
from the body language and the tense way he's watching Jin, someone who
cares might be tempted to suggest he ought to
try yoga instead of whores, it might relax him more.
Jin doesn't go near him, gets closer to the bed again.
"Is there anything else you'd like?" he asks politely, just like they
teach you in whore-school, even if he skips the extra credit for
Kamenashi takes a swallow of his drink and when his eyes
meet Jin's again, they are cold and he lifts one eyebrow mockingly.
"What, like… conversation?"
Jin's not going there. His aim is to get out of here,
not trade insults with the client, and he doesn't have to deal with
this, he can wait. Just wait.
"I think I'll pass," Kamenashi says, and he seems
pleased, in that generally displeased way of his, seems to think he's
But Jin's got no problem letting him think that, is only
careful not to show how much it's not a problem, just bows a little and
goes to pick up his clothes.
His hands are steady this time, but he doesn't rush
anyway. Steps into underpants that are still damp at the trousers
that'll have to be cleaned because Kamenashi didn't care how much of a
mess he made. The stains on the shirt have dried, fabric gone stiff. He
does the tie, too, and when he lifts his head to bring the end up
through the loop, Kamenashi puts his glass down on the bar, and he
catches another one of those stares like Jin's mere presence is a grave
offense and maybe the bastard could just leave him alone,
very easy solution there. He finishes the tie coolly; professionally.
And then he ignores Kamenashi's glower, makes the
appropriate bow and says, finally, "Enjoy our stay."
He keeps expecting… something, whatever… when he opens
the door and walks through and closes it carefully behind him.
Nothing. They're finished.
He doesn't wait for the elevator, takes the fire stairs
Maybe Ootomo should have his ears examined.
But whatever, tonight is over, and he walks quickly
through the stylish lobby and past the official doors to Konoe-san's
and Ootomo's offices, enters the code to the door that no client ever
passes and is back, is better, in the plain surroundings behind the
Maybe not Ootomo's fault at all. Ootomo is a lot of
things, but he's not the crazy one.
Satoshi and Tadayoshi are packing their stuff when he
slips into the break room, and Shota looks up from buttoning his shirt,
nods at him, damp hair falling into his eyes. Jun is leaning against
the back of one of the armchairs, dressed down in designer jeans and a
black t-shirt, leather jacket slung casually over a shoulder, his bag
at his feet. Jin checks the digital clock on the microwave. Eleven
thirty. Kamenashi kept him just long enough with the joyful fucking
experiments to make the subway a gamble. Figures.
"You done for the night?" Tadayoshi asks him, and nods
at Shota, who's finished dressing. "We're heading for the station,
can't wait long but if you hurry…"
It's nice of them to offer; it's a bit of a walk, and
not so well-lit once you're off the main street. But Jin shakes his
head. "No, it's fine. I'd probably miss the last connection in
Shinagawa." He's okay with staying.
"I hear you've been busy today," Jun says, and it takes
Jin a moment to realize Jun's talking to him and
then he gets it, people are talking about— "You
sure have this one all fired up for you." Jun's look is benignly
appraising and Jin is just frozen. "And a hot, young one for a change,
It's finished. It's finished, Jin doesn't want to talk
about it. People congratulating him on… No. Finished. He shrugs.
"Jaejoong told me about that," Tadayoshi says. "The
second time, I mean. He must be really into you, he doesn't even do
second rounds when he's paid for the night."
"Aww, limp issues already?" Jun asks. "At his age?"
Jin turns away. Don't these guys have trains to catch?
"Nah, he's good. Just sweet. One of the 'real date'
Jin can feel their eyes on him, waiting for his verdict
on Mr Romance. But for once he finds something to say. "Hey, which poor
bastard got stuck with Nakamaru?" Not that Jin wouldn't have taken
Nakamaru, tonight – he'd have taken anyone, smelly Suzuki or that jerk
Nakai or even fucking Eda, if he'd been around.
"That would be me," Shota says. "He's not so bad, he
just needs a bit of steering. I think he admitted he's into uniforms…"
Jun giggles. Jin likes him when he does that, silliness
cracking through the gloss. "Ooh, General Nakamura-chan, will you show
me your pistol…"
Tadayoshi slings his bag over his shoulder and grins at
Shota. "Yeah, you're the man for costumes, aren't you?"
"Shut up," Shota says with a pissy
edge, grabbing his own stuff as well. He runs a hand through his hair,
then chooses damp over missing the train. "I was on my own time for
that." He raises his hand in goodbye, and Tadayoshi smiles at them.
"And I didn't fuck anybody," Jin hears him as they
head out the door. "Paranoid bastard."
"That, he is," Jun comments even though Shota can't hear
him anymore, and he stands up, communicating to Satoshi that he may be
willing to share a cab out to Shibuya but not to wait out the
scrupulous adjustment of shoelaces for a perfect fit.
Jin doesn't need to take a cab. He could, but he doesn't
like to blow money like that when he's still getting used to having
money. He's just started seriously saving.
Besides, he likes it here. It's warm and clean and it
beats being out in the cold and dark because you missed your train, too.
Good for Shota he's no longer in trouble.
Slowly, he shrugs out of his jacket, turns to wave to
Jun and Satoshi as they go, and then it's quiet.
He takes off the rest of his clothes, drops them in the
hamper; grabs the towel out of his locker and pads through to the
Soap is good, lots of soap. Soap smells fresh and not at
all like Kamenashi's sweat or even his own, and the warm water eases
that touch off his skin, the grip that just moves him whichever way,
just because somebody can. He lets the hard spray drum against his
shoulders and thinks Kamenashi's pathetic, he might as well have just
jerked off for all that it even mattered Jin was there.
But now Jin's here, and he's clean and alone and he can
rinse it all off, let it all drain away. The water keeps coming and
he's getting drowsy from the warmth, and in here he can be, because
nobody's coming to grab him and shove him around and push him down and…
And it's been worse, with Kamenashi. This was merely
unpleasant and unexpected and if next time… if…
If he remembers the fancy conditioner his hair will be
easier to manage tomorrow, so he takes the bottle, focuses to squeeze
out the usual huge blob because it's not full and the plastic is tough
and it takes some determination, then he concentrates on rubbing it in
just so, starting from the roots like somebody told him here, and then
he breathes deeply in the sandalwood-scented steam and keeps his head
under the shower and his eyes closed and listens to nothing.
The lights in the hallway feel soft after the sparkling
brightness of the bathroom. He's still alone on the floor. In the break
room he wraps a towel around his head when he starts dripping on his
clean dry t-shirt, and gets organized. Guys are likely to come in here
for a while yet, to shower or just pack and go, or maybe stay. But if
he's in the dorm with the lights out, nobody will try to talk to him or
ask him nosy questions about his amazing time with his hot young client.
He rolls out the futon in the corner furthest from the
door just like he's done the first time and every time since. Kills the
lights, slips under the cover, clean smell of detergent and a solidity
under him that's different from the guest room beds, feels more stable.
Kamenashi can't get at him here. Nobody can, that's the
point, and it feels good.
He can hear the break room door open and close, but
quietly; people who come in here are considerate, are on his side. He
turns over in the dark, stretches out on his stomach and wiggles his
toes while his feet are warming up.
They let him stay here even before he was ready to see
clients, while they were still running background checks, sorting
accommodation, training him how to flirt politely with dull ministers
and jumpy celebrities, and he remembers those first three nights, when
just lying here and being warm and knowing there were several locked
doors between him and outside was… he'd almost forgotten what it felt
like not to be afraid.
He can put up with creeps and assholes, for this. At
least here, creeps and assholes is all they are, even Kamenashi, they
don't mean you end up dead in the street with nobody even knowing what
happened to you.
Subaru had had no one, too, before Jin, and even Jin…
He fishes his cheap new mp3 player out of the bag beside
him, puts on soft music to fall asleep to, because he can, it's safe,
and if he weren't suddenly feeling so heavy and exhausted he might have
some hot chocolate from the common supply, because it's there. Instead,
he just flips past a couple of fast songs to a quieter one, shifts down
deeper under the warm covers and that's good, too.
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